a new year

another year you made a promise
another chance to turn it all around
and do not save this for tomorow
embrace the past and you can live for now
and I will give the world to you

speak louder than the words before you
and give them meaning no one else has found
the role we play is so important
we are the voices of the underground
and I would give the world to you

say everything you’ve always wanted,
be not afraid of who you really are,
cause in the end we have each other,
and thats at least one thing worth living for,
and I would give the world to you

a million suns that shine upon me
a million eyes you are the brightest blue
lets tear the walls down that divide us
and build a statue strong enough for two,

I pass it back to you
and I will beat for you,
cause I would give the world

this is the new year
a new begining
You made a promise
You are the brightest
we are the voices
this is the new year

untitled

It's four a.m. and I'm still awake.  What's new.


This is finals week/weekend. Such a joyous time.  Already pulled one all-nighter and tonight looks like it's going to be number two.  Got my Chemistry final bright and early in the morning.  The stress is gradually growing as I continue to study for a subject I have a deep dislike toward.  Tried to take a short nap but couldn't even keep my eyes closed.  And now I have this fear that I am going to be sick in a few hours just from being nervous/stressed. Welcome to finals.


in need of focus.  
in need of motivation.
in need of courage. 
in need of change. of heart.


Lately, I have become exhausted with myself.  exhausted of who i am. selfishness and communication has become a problem. 
I know the changes I need to make.  


God continuously covers me in His grace.   
He reminds me there is always HOPE. 
HOPE will never disappoint me. 
Romans 5:1-5


working towards these changes.
don't give up on me yet. 

thanksgives

Jimmy Fallon, also known to Allison as Jimmy O'Fallon, was on a new episode of Late Night Thursday night.  He wrote his famous thank-you notes and, as usual, I found them extremely funny. 

Jimmy Fallon: thank you notes

watch it. 

day eight

where to start.

I am continuing to read Redeeming Love. It has taken me entirely way to long to read but it's good. I am excited to finish it up.

Observation is wrapping up next week and I pretty sure I am going to miss it, I enjoy being in the classroom, in the field. That's a good thing.

Trying not to let school get me down this week. It's unfortunate how school can do that.

I was watching Apocalypto the other night. Movie was good but not necessary my favorite. I did enjoy the ending. The characters must seek a new beginning. I like the idea of a new beginning. With everything there is a beginning and an end. It was hopeful.


I am going to make it with strength not my own.


Jimmy Fallon is really funny.


halfway.

day seven

What am I really spending my time on?


(a question to ponder)

day six

Didn't really have the opportunity to write yesterday.

Made some new friends this weekend. Did a "service" project.

I realized I need to be better about serving others.

I have got to quit being so defensive.

day five

Almost forgot to write today... but I didn't.

Got to spend some time with my big sister today, it was needed.


http://http//www.youtube.com/results?search_query=mumford+and+sons+sigh+no+more+official+video&aq=1

day four

I have been extremely sensitive today. This is never good. I don't really know how/why I get into this mood, but I know I am no fun to be around when I am. Working on it.

Today, as been a bit more difficult and I feel that it's time for me to let reality sink in.

I have failed at a lot this week.

I tend to beat myself up about things, as if you can't tell from the statements above.

Maybe it's time to make a list of strengths/positive things about myself.


(no worries, I am not depressed or even sad)

day three

On a daily basis God reminds me of how blessed I am.






I don't deserve any of it.

day two

I am overwhelmingly blessed to have such wonderful friends. Thanks for your countless joy, laughter, encouragement, hope, wisdom, and even tears you bring me through Christ.

Many times, I forget how powerful God is. I was reminded of that today. I was reminded that, no matter how many times we fail, He still gives us love, grace, opportunities, and hope. It was a great encouragement.

Good day, though I am trying to be better about not basing my emotions on my days.

Tomorrow, I should try to make it to class. Scratch that. Tomorrow, I have to go to class.

restart

As you can tell from the date of my posts, I failed at my project. This isn't actually surprising, considering I quit everything I start. As crazy as last week was it would have been the best time to post... but I didn't. Now, I am restarting with the same goal in mind. I think the start of the new month will help me to complete this task. So... here's to the next two weeks and what might come from it.

(I would like to thank Betsy Brooks for giving me the encouragment to do this.)

I will consider this day one.

This morning I woke up refreshed and renewed. Maybe that's due to the ten hours of sleep I got, or maybe because I know this week won't be as crazy as the last. Whatever the case may be, I like this feeling.

I have a lot to work on in a lot of different areas.

Selfishness has become a problem for me. I try to convince myself that I'm not and it's just me wanting things a certain way. But it's just me being selfish, there's no another way around it.

"(All I know) Every good thing, every true thing, beautiful in me is You, beautiful in me is You."

day one

I have lost complete motivation to get anything done. Right now, I could care less about projects, tests, assignments, and observations. Hope to have my motivation back by tomorrow.

So it's officially day one of my project, but I wish I was more excited to sit down and write my first post.

Lately, I feel like I have become quick to anger. Maybe I always have been but just now realizing it. Or maybe, it's just because I have had a terrible attitude. Whatever the case is, it's a heart condition and I know it has got to change.

God is in the process of changing my heart. It's a slow process, but I am getting there.

more to come.

(Thank you to those who put up with me on a daily basis.)

project

This is the start of my new project.

For the next two weeks my goal is to post something new everyday. I hope to continue this for at least a month, but for right now my goal is two weeks. My hope is to focus my blog around what God is teaching, how He is working, and how I can improve myself.

I'm excited to see how this project will unfold. Encouragment and feedback will be much appreciated.

Lower Still

I had one of the best classes of my entire college career today. Might sound a bit dramatic, but it's completely true.

In British Literature, Dr. Miller talked about Mississippi College's mission statement. I have seen this several times, but I haven't really read it or thought about it.

Anyway, to sum up what I thought was the best part of the conversation was the part were Dr. Miller discussed how low Jesus actually went. I kept thinking about My Epic's song "Lower Still." I listened to the songs and actually listened to the lyrics. I felt the need to put them up.

Lower Still

Look, He’s covered in dirt, and the blood of His mother has mixed with the earth, and

she’s just a child who’s throbbing in pain from the terror of birth by the light of a cave.

Now they’ve laid that small Baby where creatures come eat like a meal for the swine

who have no clue that He is still holding together the world that they see,

they don’t know just how low, but He has to go lower still.

Look, now He’s kneeling, He’s washing their feet!

Though they’re all filthy fisherman, traitors, and thieves.

Now He’s pouring his heart out and they’re falling asleep, but He has to go lower still.

(and we all said in unison...)

There is greater love to show! Hands to the plow! Further down now! Blood must flow!

All these steps are personal! All His shame is ransom!

Oh do you see? Do you see just how low He has come? Do you see it now?

No one takes from Him. You can’t take what he freely gives away...

Beat in His face; tear the skin off His back. Lower still. Lower still.

Strip off His clothes; make Him crawl through the streets. Lower still. Lower still.

Hang Him like meat on a criminal’s tree. Lower still! Lower still!

Bury His corpse in the earth like a seed, like a seed, like a seed. Lower still!

Lower still, Lower still, Lower still, Lower still.

The earth explodes, she cannot hold Him. And all therein is placed beneath Him.

And death itself no longer reigns, it cannot keep the ones He gave Himself to save.

And as the universe shatters, the darkness dissolves,

He alone will be honored, we will bathe in His splendor as...

...All Heads Bow Lower Still! All Heads Bow Lower Still!

I’m tired of striving to be, who You already say that I am. I am Yours...

I find that blogging right now is way more enjoyable then packing or working. Honestly, don't know what or how I want to say everything. In a way, once I were to verbally say what is going on in my head... I would realized that I am completely off base and be once again reminded that I am just a stupid kid. It's just something I am going to have to get over, and not let this struggle bring me down. Now that I got those thoughts out of the way, I can move onto way bigger, more important things. So here we go...

Yesterday, was just one of those days where you just don't quite know how to describe it. It was crazy, wonderful, stressful, overwhelming, and at the end of it I just wanted to cry. I almost cried not because of how busy it was, but because of the encouragement I received.

We went downtown to a Jackson park for Bible Study. We passed out waters and talked to some of the people who live there. God quickly reminded me that although I don't have a bed, I still have a place to sleep at night, I don't have to freeze, I don't have to sleep on the ground or a park bench, I have a home. Throughout the night, I was reminded of how blessed I am. I know I am blessed.

This kinda all leads up to today, a brand new day. Right now, I am in the process of moving. I'm moving in with a friend of mine and her family until school starts. I realized that I had way too much stuff just to store at her house for a few weeks. I decided that whatever I don't use or really need I should just give away. I know I have clothes and a ton of other things that I don't even use, or remember buying. This should sound like a simple task but I am a pack rat.

I was told something today that I needed to hear (once again shows how amazing God is). With this move and the amount of stuff I have, I basically feel like I am putting a family out, like it is a big hassle for me to stay. I already have thank this family several times for letting me stay, and I haven't even moved in yet. I was told that I wasn't a burden, that I was loved and they are doing this because they love me. This is showing Christ's love to others. Comfort remains in that statement.

This post is really just a bunch of thoughts typed out, some might not make sense at all. But for now I am leaving it like this, until I chose to read over it.

"All I know is that every good thing, every true thing, beautiful in me is You, beautiful in me is You."

twentyfour

I am long overdue for a post.

This summer I have a job as a preschool intern at church. I love it. It has taken up most of my summer... but i wouldn't have it any other way. The time and effort that goes into everything that is done is completely worth it.

Right now, I am visiting my parents. I decided to come for a week and a half... not quite sure if that was smart or crazy for me to do. I guess we will find out in a couple of days. It hasn't been horrible though.

This week God has taught me about grace, mercy, and forgiveness which basically is all just love. I was rereading Crazy Love, couldn't have pick a better time to read it (God's plan).

Monday night, in this little town (Louisiana), a little girl down the street was kidnapped. She was playing in the front yard with her brother while her mother was inside making dinner. Her mother said she was just inside for a few minutes, but I think she never was outside... this is a safe town, she probably didn't think anything would happen. A car drove up, took her and drove away... leaving her brother to run inside and tell their mother.

At 11:00 p.m. I read an Amber alert on tv about it. Honestly, though an Amber alert is extremely serious I didn't pay much attention to it, not quite sure why, but I didn't. The next morning they were still searching, the town was filling up with people hoping to find her and our town was officially becoming talked about. As terrible as a child missing is I wasn't upset about it... I was more upset with how ugly this family was being toward the kidnapper. They made several comments about how they hope this man burns in hell and how he should get what he deserves. (I can't any imagine what our lives would be like if God gave us what we deserve).

before you think I am terrible for thinking this, just keep reading.

Here's why:

Recently, in Bible Study we talked about Matthew 18 and discussed forgiveness. We should not just forgive our brother seven times but seventy-seven times. We should not just say we are sorry, but mean it from our hearts. Forgiveness is nothing unless it comes from the heart. We also talked about the Amish community and what happened several years ago when a man came in and shot five little girls and then shot himself. This community went out and comforted his family and wrapped them in grace. They instantly forgave the man who killed five of their precious children. Honestly, that's pretty insane, but incredible at the same time. They did what God does to us... when we mess up God just wraps His arms around us and forgives us. I want to be one to do that, when something happens to me small or big... I want to be able to go to that person and just be able to forgive them, from my heart.

God forgives us, He shows us so much grace and mercy... why can't we do that for others. That is basically the one thing we are to do here.. love others, we can't even do that.

Now don't get me wrong, if someone took my child I would be quite upset and I don't blame them for being upset, and I can't say that I would be one to instantly forgive. Not knowing where your child is, if they are safe or alive is pretty frightening and that's an understatement. But it isn't a time to be name calling, hoping for the worst for the terrible person who would do such a thing, or blaming God. It's a time to just go to The Maker and find strength in Him. There is always hope.

The little girl was found just shortly 24 hours after her disappearance, such a blessing. She wasn't harmed at all, the man just gave her a haircut. Today, she was welcomed home and the town was thrilled to see her. The man, unfortunately, took his life just after the girl was found.

I am just a little worried that this family and this town will grow bitterness towards this man. I want them to be able to forgive so they can look towards the future.

Twenty four oceans

Twenty four skies

Twenty four failures

Twenty four tries

Twenty four finds me

In twenty-fourth place

Twenty four drop outs

At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was

Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong

With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out

When You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh I am the second man

Oh, oh I am the second man now

Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising these twenty four voices

With twenty four hearts

With all of my symphonies

In twenty four parts

But I wan to be one today

Centered and true

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh I am the second man

Oh, oh I am the second man now

Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change

Wrestled the angel, for more than a name

For more than a feeling

For more than a cause

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

And You're raising the dead in me

Twenty four voices

With twenty four hearts

With all of my symphonies

In twenty four parts.

I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.

it's a brand new day

The feeling you get when you overcome your fear is pretty incredible. If I had known it felt like this, maybe I would have done it a long time ago. I still have to talk to my dad about it, which is what I was originally scared of... but now, I feel a sense of peace about it. Talking to my dad won't be easy, he wants me home over the summer (can you blame him... I am a pretty awesome person. hehe.) but now I think he will be understanding about the whole situation.

I have a real problem with appreciation. I feel the need to be appreciated by the people (well.. person) I constantly help. I dropped everything I am doing for her (most of the time) and usually it's over something dumb. I'm the one who she calls when she is upset and then when she is happy she wants nothing to do with me. When she is happy she much rather hang out with her another friends. Last night, she was a complete jerk and talked crap about a really good friend of mine. Then, she wanted to apologize over text, and went off about things I didn't even say. Honestly, I don't want to be friends with her anymore. I am done, we will never be best friends and right now, even friends is a stretch for me. But like I told her Christ calls us to love everyone, and that includes me loving her. Easier said then done. Working on loving and appreciation.

I am going to confront her about how she does treat me. I am going with some other friends. Of course, she will turn into way bigger then it has to be. I am worried that I will get there and just fall apart and not say what I need to say. Part of the whole fear thing.

Spring Break will be really nice. Two more days of classes. Today will be a productive day, and tomorrow will consist of packing.

I love Chick-fil-A. I decided since I have coupons to come get some breakfast and just enjoy people watching along with doing some homework. A nice lady just came up and gave me some chicken minis. Does she realize how much she made my day?

You know what I love even more, my friends. They are incredible. I really don't deserve at all. God has blessed me more then I could ever have imagine.

"Shine on, shine on
And on to something new
It's long and overdue
I will remember you"

in repair

It's one of those days that I have to apply what I have been learning. It hasn't been the easiest day. I missed both of my morning classes (overslept) and while sleeping sounds good, I really needed to be in class. I decided to finally get myself out of bed and study for my lab test, and let's just say that wasn't the best test I have taken. I easily could say this a bad day (and with the rain that makes it a extra bonus.) But I can't do that. I cannot based my days on my emotions. Emotions aren't bad. But can you imagine what the world would be like if we based everything on our emotions. (side thought.) God gives us each day so how can that be bad. We should be thankful. I learn so much more through these days then other days. This is something I constantly have to remind myself about.

I am looking forward to the next couple of weeks. Got some big things coming up and really excited to see how God works through them.

One thing I am trying to do better of is sharing Christ's love in the daily things I do. It's a work in process for me.

I am also trying to do better about letting the little things go. I don't really know why I let things get to me and why I can't let it go. It's been like that as long as I can remember. But it's something I am working on.

How God works is simply amazing. Today, I just needed some good friends to talk to, even if it wasn't a deep conversation. Not only did he give me one but four. I mean, I talked to more then four people, but these four people randomly talked to me and said things that just really brighten my day. Random messages are awesome either if it's reminding someone you love them or asking what they need prayer for. It's something I need to work on doing for others.

do you feel (the weight of the world singing sorrow)

It's funny how defensive I get for some people. It's almost if no one can say one bad thing but me. Not that I should say anything bad, but if anyone can it should only be me. That might not make any sense at all. But tonight, I realized I did that.

It's also funny how people complain and get upset about how someone does their job. (okay.. so it's not funny.) But what gives us the right to complain and get all worked up about a job that isn't even ours.. we don't get paid to do it.. we weren't hired to make the decisions .. plan the activities.. and speak, they were and we should let them do their job. I think sometimes people think they can run things though it's not their job too, and that is kinda irritating to me. (This probably also doesn't make sense.) Tonight, I also realized, how much we complain about people and how people can have completely different views on things.

I know both of those seem kinda off the wall and not really explained to well, but I needed to vent. (daniel, remind me to talk to you about this)

If I continue to follow God's plan, I believe He has something big in store for me this summer. I can't get sidetracked and I can't miss deadlines.

On a lighter note, reading Mo Willems' books with Paige make for a great Saturday night. Look him up, he is great.

Tonight's post is short. I need to study Human Biology and read over my lesson for Sunday School. Big midterm Monday. (ugh)

happy birthday rebekah. i love you.

so, in this hour

This week has been the most incredible, wonderful week. I know that because God has given us each day and each week that they are all wonderful. Yet, there is just something about this week that makes it stand out from all the rest. So I will just describe each day.

Sunday: Starting the week out going to God's house to worship. What could be better? Sunday School and the service were both great, and I am learning so much through the series in both of them. Ate lunch with some of the greatest people (well, to me they are) laughing the whole time through lunch. I still go to small groups, which I know can be lame, but I really enjoy starting my school week off like that.

Monday: Went to all my classes! Got my American Lit test back and did way better then I thought I actually did, yay. Biology Lab was just as easy as usual, and we got out within an hour. Later that night, hung out with three awesome people. It doesn't take much for them to make me laugh. I love them dearly.

Tuesday: Missed one class (but I'm not going to let that get me down.) Went to chapel and enjoyed the speaker while enjoying a Red Bull, it was wonderful. The speaker had some great points, but his overall view just didn't seem to quite be all of it (kinda hard to describe). Went to my math class, had a test, and it only took me twenty-five minutes. It was really easy. Hopefully, I made an A on it. Went to a dinner party, and got to know some great people. (I really need to take more time getting to know people). Best part of the day was getting to hang out with someone who always brightens my day. Had some great and much needed talks. Thank-you my friend.

Wednesday: Went and took my communications test. Then, I spent the next two hours in sleep. It was the best nap I have had in awhile. Went to my next class, and then enjoyed lunch with the roommate and suitemate. I went back to Ridgecrest tonight and it was pretty grand. We sang to Switchfoot in the car and then to the rocket summer on the way back to school. It was quite enjoyable (and funny too.)

Now it's Thursday and I know it will be a great day.

You are probably thinking.. seriously, I don't care about your week. But earlier, I read through my old posts. I almost began to cry over what I had written. I was wanting to be so wrapped up into Christ (and I still do). But I guess it's like reading a journal and realizing how much you have grown. I am longing for Christ. I want to give up everything I have for Him. I want that.

I have a friend who is going through a rough time. Monday night, she needed me so I went to talk to her. On my way, I just asked God to give me the words to say to her. When I got there, I had nothing to say and I just watched her cry. It's not a good feeling seeing someone cry and you just feel like there is nothing you can do. But then I remember Job and his friends who visited him and just sat there with him for seven days in silence. I remembered when there were times I just wanted someone to come sit with me, so that's what I did for her.. just sat there with her. I feel like at that time that's what I needed to do. I do ask for prayer, this will last awhile, and I know it will have it's ups and downs. Sometimes, I really just want to give up and walk away, but what if my friends would have done that to me... where would I be today? I can't do that. Lord, I ask for patience and wisdom and strength to deal with this situation.

"Now, the truth of it is, is I wanna be like You

So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to You

For my head, for my heart, for what's true

So take me and save me and change me and then make me

And embrace me and then brave my heart for You

No, no, 'cause I can't go on without You

And it's time for something new"