learning to forgive

How to Forgive


read this. 

God has not forgotten your pain

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/blog/22862-god-has-not-forgotten-your-pain

Although, I haven't dealt with a death recently, this article is still good.  


"God has not forgotten us in our pain, and He has not left us to deal with it alone in dark bedrooms.  We are told that God is close to the brokenhearted.  He is close to the struggles of our lives; especially in our most tender of times.  We must begin to believe that He loves us as much as the Gospel proclaims, even when we feel beyond repair."

a cure for the pain

i'm just trying to show the same amount of grace to others as the Father as shown me. it's not easy and a lot of times i fail at it, but i'm trying. forgetting may not be possible right now, but forgiveness is. to be honest, i'm not fully there but i have come a long way, and in time i will get there. but that's how i make it through because of God's love and grace. maybe people should focus on that instead of the situation. 

And heaven knows, heaven knows 

I tried to find a cure for the pain 

Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do 

It would be a lie to run away 

let that be enough

I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough 

silhouettes

You wrote your name in invisible ink
For you were so afraid of what they might think
But the scars they left they were loud and clear
Weren't they? Weren't they?

When it's too much to bare memories erase
A disappearing act deserving of our thanks
When it surfaces just hold your breath
And swim just swim

You begged and begged for some kind of change
Maybe they'd wake up tomorrow and regret the pain
That they've passed down to you like DNA
But no luck, no luck

It seems only by the hand of God or death
Will they truly change their silhouettes
For a miracle or consequence
You wait and wait

Maybe distance is the only cure
Far away from hurt is where healing occurs
But all you really want to do is make them proud
Don't you? Don't you?

It must be hard in the mess you're always cleaning up
To believe in the ghost of unbroken love
But I promise you
The truth is that you're loved. So loved.

semester six

If i could have only have known the hurt, confusion, and tears this semester would bring me, i would have done it all differently. but i can't. now, i'm learning that my choices continuously affect my future. 


i think we confuse God's plans and timing with what we think is God's plans and timing.  their is a big difference.  i think we convince ourselves that what we want is all part of God's plan, when in fact it really isn't. we want what is best and what brings us joy, but i think  we selfishly do what we want and consider it part of God's plans for us. i believe that a lot of this has been going on lately, i know i do the same thing too.


recently, i have felt a lot of guilt. guilt of things i had control over and even of things i didn't. i blame myself for a lot of things and in this one situation, i can't help but blame myself.  i feel like my actions could have change the outcome.  even though one-hundred percent of it wasn't my fault, i still take the blame like it is. 


in need of a fresh start. in every way that's possible. 


all the poor and powerless
and all the lost and lonely
all the thieves will confess 
and know that You are holy
will know that You are holy
all will sing out, Hallelujah
we will cry out, hallelujah 
all the hearts who are content
and all who feel unworthy
all the hurt with nothing left
will know that You are holy
all will sing out, Hallelujah 
we will cry out, Hallelujah
shout it, go on and scream if from the mountains
go on and tell it to the masses
that He is God
we will sing out, Hallelujah
we will cry out, Hallelujah

save me

God has done some pretty powerful things this week. He continuously has given me people throughout the day to encourage me.  These people probably don't even realize how encouraging their words are.


Psalm 1611 is a verse that i type a lot.  i can't say what for because i will probably get in trouble.  i was in a debate with myself if it was Psalm 16:11 or Psalm 161:1.. so i looked up both verses.  


Here they are:

Psalm 16:11

You have made known to me the path of life: you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. 

Well, then i realized there wasn't a Psalm 161:11. Psalm stops at 150. 


When i was flipping through Psalm, i underlined something in Psalm 116 that stood out to me. 

Psalm 116 

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.  

Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. 

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; 

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. 

Then I called on the name of the LORD: 

"O LORD, save me!"

The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. 

The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. 

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. 

For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, 

that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living,

I believed; therefore I said, "I am greatly afflicted."

And in my dismay I said, "All men are liars."

How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.

I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people.

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.

O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains. 

I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD. 

I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of his people, 

in the courts of the house of the LORD - in your midst, O Jerusalem.

Praise the LORD.  

i was overwhelmed after reading this. honestly, i was crying. 

Our God is full of compassion.  He protects the simplehearted.  We can cry out for Him to save us and He will. The LORD is good to us. 

i think we forget that sometimes (well, i know i do)

We can call on Him as long as we live. 

The fact that we can cry out to Him.  That's amazing, incredibly powerful. 

emphasis

God has poured out His grace on me and given me encouragement in many different forms to make it through this day. 
    
longest day ever. but i made it, not by my strength. 
   
the sweetest thing i've ever learn is that i don't have all the answers, just a little light to call my own. 

#958

http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2011/02/4453/


we are never alone.




watch this video
reason why blogs die 

untitled

i wish that instead of struggling, i would just embrace God's love and grace. 


i can't help but hope for brighter, here in the shadows of letting go.  God, may these good intentions be the outline of so much more. 

hope

Here's to the fiftieth post.  Only took two years.


two thousand and eleven. you will be an exhausting year. you have already brought new hope, joy, fear, trust, and tears. and it's just march. but you will be a year of growth, and i will make it through, but not by my own strength. that's for sure. 

with help from a close friend, i am reminded that things here are only temporary.  considering the fact i struggle with change you can imagine how difficult this can get for me. (even though it shouldn't be at all.)  it's a control and trust issue.  all a learning process.  learning that God has something different planned. and instead of fearing, i should embrace and be fully open to what He has.  i am excited to see what it is. 


i am so thankful for my friends and the staff i work with. i am blessed to have them.  


rebekah arant is an awesome big sister. got to spend some much needed time with her this past weekend. seriously, i've got the best big sister. 

this year is a sealed envelope;

with apprehensive hope

we brace for anything.

i understand that nothing changes that,

the past will be the past.

but the future is brighter than any flashback. 

Sleeping at last's march ep came out today.  They featured Jon Foreman on one of their songs. Great birthday gift. 

trust

I love the idea of the new year. I think it is a good reminder that we can always start from scratch again.  Although, a new year doesn't have to happen for change.  I feel I am starting this week fresh and renewed, yet a little bit scared of what this year may bring.  I have no idea what God's plan is for me (like any of us do) and not knowing or having the control worries me.  This is a trust issue.  Which comes to the question... why do I have issues when it comes to fully trusting Christ?  He has never failed me nor left me, and He clearly states in His word that He won't.  It is in writing... and I still have these issues.  I know the changes I need to make to fix this.  When I have full trust in Christ the fear, worry, hopelessness, etc. is gone. I am tired of fearing and worrying about my future, it is exhausting.  I am ready to fully trust in Christ again. 


I have several "resolutions" that I hope to follow through with for the entire year. Although, I don't really like the term "resolutions," we are just going use it.


1.  Send every preschooler a birthday card.  Who doesn't love mail?  What preschooler wouldn't want a birthday card (even if they can't read)
2.  Talk to my family more and work on my relationships with my extended family.  There is a lot of bitterness towards cousins, aunts, and uncles.  (there is no need for that)
3.  I'm trying to focus more on the big picture and details of the more important things.  I have always focused on the most unimportant things that, to me, seemed important.  (This is a matter of recognizing what is really important)   
4.  Develop a deeper relationship with Christ.  (something that I should always be working on)
5.  Quit mumbling.  I am doubting my capabilities to be able to fully quit mumbling, but I definitely want to try. (This will take all year)


I welcome all jokes. I know I will get some, and I will be able to handle them.  But I am also asking in your support to keep me accountable for these "resolutions."  Most people do, but I am asking that you will continue that through this year. 






(haven't edited this and won't until morning. i feel like i posted some deeper thoughts (although maybe not that deep) then i have in awhile. read know. i may realize i don't want to share this with everyone and get it to myself, like i do most things.)