trust

I love the idea of the new year. I think it is a good reminder that we can always start from scratch again.  Although, a new year doesn't have to happen for change.  I feel I am starting this week fresh and renewed, yet a little bit scared of what this year may bring.  I have no idea what God's plan is for me (like any of us do) and not knowing or having the control worries me.  This is a trust issue.  Which comes to the question... why do I have issues when it comes to fully trusting Christ?  He has never failed me nor left me, and He clearly states in His word that He won't.  It is in writing... and I still have these issues.  I know the changes I need to make to fix this.  When I have full trust in Christ the fear, worry, hopelessness, etc. is gone. I am tired of fearing and worrying about my future, it is exhausting.  I am ready to fully trust in Christ again. 


I have several "resolutions" that I hope to follow through with for the entire year. Although, I don't really like the term "resolutions," we are just going use it.


1.  Send every preschooler a birthday card.  Who doesn't love mail?  What preschooler wouldn't want a birthday card (even if they can't read)
2.  Talk to my family more and work on my relationships with my extended family.  There is a lot of bitterness towards cousins, aunts, and uncles.  (there is no need for that)
3.  I'm trying to focus more on the big picture and details of the more important things.  I have always focused on the most unimportant things that, to me, seemed important.  (This is a matter of recognizing what is really important)   
4.  Develop a deeper relationship with Christ.  (something that I should always be working on)
5.  Quit mumbling.  I am doubting my capabilities to be able to fully quit mumbling, but I definitely want to try. (This will take all year)


I welcome all jokes. I know I will get some, and I will be able to handle them.  But I am also asking in your support to keep me accountable for these "resolutions."  Most people do, but I am asking that you will continue that through this year. 






(haven't edited this and won't until morning. i feel like i posted some deeper thoughts (although maybe not that deep) then i have in awhile. read know. i may realize i don't want to share this with everyone and get it to myself, like i do most things.)

a new year

another year you made a promise
another chance to turn it all around
and do not save this for tomorow
embrace the past and you can live for now
and I will give the world to you

speak louder than the words before you
and give them meaning no one else has found
the role we play is so important
we are the voices of the underground
and I would give the world to you

say everything you’ve always wanted,
be not afraid of who you really are,
cause in the end we have each other,
and thats at least one thing worth living for,
and I would give the world to you

a million suns that shine upon me
a million eyes you are the brightest blue
lets tear the walls down that divide us
and build a statue strong enough for two,

I pass it back to you
and I will beat for you,
cause I would give the world

this is the new year
a new begining
You made a promise
You are the brightest
we are the voices
this is the new year

untitled

It's four a.m. and I'm still awake.  What's new.


This is finals week/weekend. Such a joyous time.  Already pulled one all-nighter and tonight looks like it's going to be number two.  Got my Chemistry final bright and early in the morning.  The stress is gradually growing as I continue to study for a subject I have a deep dislike toward.  Tried to take a short nap but couldn't even keep my eyes closed.  And now I have this fear that I am going to be sick in a few hours just from being nervous/stressed. Welcome to finals.


in need of focus.  
in need of motivation.
in need of courage. 
in need of change. of heart.


Lately, I have become exhausted with myself.  exhausted of who i am. selfishness and communication has become a problem. 
I know the changes I need to make.  


God continuously covers me in His grace.   
He reminds me there is always HOPE. 
HOPE will never disappoint me. 
Romans 5:1-5


working towards these changes.
don't give up on me yet. 

thanksgives

Jimmy Fallon, also known to Allison as Jimmy O'Fallon, was on a new episode of Late Night Thursday night.  He wrote his famous thank-you notes and, as usual, I found them extremely funny. 

Jimmy Fallon: thank you notes

watch it. 

day eight

where to start.

I am continuing to read Redeeming Love. It has taken me entirely way to long to read but it's good. I am excited to finish it up.

Observation is wrapping up next week and I pretty sure I am going to miss it, I enjoy being in the classroom, in the field. That's a good thing.

Trying not to let school get me down this week. It's unfortunate how school can do that.

I was watching Apocalypto the other night. Movie was good but not necessary my favorite. I did enjoy the ending. The characters must seek a new beginning. I like the idea of a new beginning. With everything there is a beginning and an end. It was hopeful.


I am going to make it with strength not my own.


Jimmy Fallon is really funny.


halfway.

day seven

What am I really spending my time on?


(a question to ponder)

day six

Didn't really have the opportunity to write yesterday.

Made some new friends this weekend. Did a "service" project.

I realized I need to be better about serving others.

I have got to quit being so defensive.