a cure for the pain

i'm just trying to show the same amount of grace to others as the Father as shown me. it's not easy and a lot of times i fail at it, but i'm trying. forgetting may not be possible right now, but forgiveness is. to be honest, i'm not fully there but i have come a long way, and in time i will get there. but that's how i make it through because of God's love and grace. maybe people should focus on that instead of the situation. 

And heaven knows, heaven knows 

I tried to find a cure for the pain 

Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do 

It would be a lie to run away 

let that be enough

I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough 

silhouettes

You wrote your name in invisible ink
For you were so afraid of what they might think
But the scars they left they were loud and clear
Weren't they? Weren't they?

When it's too much to bare memories erase
A disappearing act deserving of our thanks
When it surfaces just hold your breath
And swim just swim

You begged and begged for some kind of change
Maybe they'd wake up tomorrow and regret the pain
That they've passed down to you like DNA
But no luck, no luck

It seems only by the hand of God or death
Will they truly change their silhouettes
For a miracle or consequence
You wait and wait

Maybe distance is the only cure
Far away from hurt is where healing occurs
But all you really want to do is make them proud
Don't you? Don't you?

It must be hard in the mess you're always cleaning up
To believe in the ghost of unbroken love
But I promise you
The truth is that you're loved. So loved.

semester six

If i could have only have known the hurt, confusion, and tears this semester would bring me, i would have done it all differently. but i can't. now, i'm learning that my choices continuously affect my future. 


i think we confuse God's plans and timing with what we think is God's plans and timing.  their is a big difference.  i think we convince ourselves that what we want is all part of God's plan, when in fact it really isn't. we want what is best and what brings us joy, but i think  we selfishly do what we want and consider it part of God's plans for us. i believe that a lot of this has been going on lately, i know i do the same thing too.


recently, i have felt a lot of guilt. guilt of things i had control over and even of things i didn't. i blame myself for a lot of things and in this one situation, i can't help but blame myself.  i feel like my actions could have change the outcome.  even though one-hundred percent of it wasn't my fault, i still take the blame like it is. 


in need of a fresh start. in every way that's possible. 


all the poor and powerless
and all the lost and lonely
all the thieves will confess 
and know that You are holy
will know that You are holy
all will sing out, Hallelujah
we will cry out, hallelujah 
all the hearts who are content
and all who feel unworthy
all the hurt with nothing left
will know that You are holy
all will sing out, Hallelujah 
we will cry out, Hallelujah
shout it, go on and scream if from the mountains
go on and tell it to the masses
that He is God
we will sing out, Hallelujah
we will cry out, Hallelujah