I’m tired of striving to be, who You already say that I am. I am Yours...

I find that blogging right now is way more enjoyable then packing or working. Honestly, don't know what or how I want to say everything. In a way, once I were to verbally say what is going on in my head... I would realized that I am completely off base and be once again reminded that I am just a stupid kid. It's just something I am going to have to get over, and not let this struggle bring me down. Now that I got those thoughts out of the way, I can move onto way bigger, more important things. So here we go...

Yesterday, was just one of those days where you just don't quite know how to describe it. It was crazy, wonderful, stressful, overwhelming, and at the end of it I just wanted to cry. I almost cried not because of how busy it was, but because of the encouragement I received.

We went downtown to a Jackson park for Bible Study. We passed out waters and talked to some of the people who live there. God quickly reminded me that although I don't have a bed, I still have a place to sleep at night, I don't have to freeze, I don't have to sleep on the ground or a park bench, I have a home. Throughout the night, I was reminded of how blessed I am. I know I am blessed.

This kinda all leads up to today, a brand new day. Right now, I am in the process of moving. I'm moving in with a friend of mine and her family until school starts. I realized that I had way too much stuff just to store at her house for a few weeks. I decided that whatever I don't use or really need I should just give away. I know I have clothes and a ton of other things that I don't even use, or remember buying. This should sound like a simple task but I am a pack rat.

I was told something today that I needed to hear (once again shows how amazing God is). With this move and the amount of stuff I have, I basically feel like I am putting a family out, like it is a big hassle for me to stay. I already have thank this family several times for letting me stay, and I haven't even moved in yet. I was told that I wasn't a burden, that I was loved and they are doing this because they love me. This is showing Christ's love to others. Comfort remains in that statement.

This post is really just a bunch of thoughts typed out, some might not make sense at all. But for now I am leaving it like this, until I chose to read over it.

"All I know is that every good thing, every true thing, beautiful in me is You, beautiful in me is You."

twentyfour

I am long overdue for a post.

This summer I have a job as a preschool intern at church. I love it. It has taken up most of my summer... but i wouldn't have it any other way. The time and effort that goes into everything that is done is completely worth it.

Right now, I am visiting my parents. I decided to come for a week and a half... not quite sure if that was smart or crazy for me to do. I guess we will find out in a couple of days. It hasn't been horrible though.

This week God has taught me about grace, mercy, and forgiveness which basically is all just love. I was rereading Crazy Love, couldn't have pick a better time to read it (God's plan).

Monday night, in this little town (Louisiana), a little girl down the street was kidnapped. She was playing in the front yard with her brother while her mother was inside making dinner. Her mother said she was just inside for a few minutes, but I think she never was outside... this is a safe town, she probably didn't think anything would happen. A car drove up, took her and drove away... leaving her brother to run inside and tell their mother.

At 11:00 p.m. I read an Amber alert on tv about it. Honestly, though an Amber alert is extremely serious I didn't pay much attention to it, not quite sure why, but I didn't. The next morning they were still searching, the town was filling up with people hoping to find her and our town was officially becoming talked about. As terrible as a child missing is I wasn't upset about it... I was more upset with how ugly this family was being toward the kidnapper. They made several comments about how they hope this man burns in hell and how he should get what he deserves. (I can't any imagine what our lives would be like if God gave us what we deserve).

before you think I am terrible for thinking this, just keep reading.

Here's why:

Recently, in Bible Study we talked about Matthew 18 and discussed forgiveness. We should not just forgive our brother seven times but seventy-seven times. We should not just say we are sorry, but mean it from our hearts. Forgiveness is nothing unless it comes from the heart. We also talked about the Amish community and what happened several years ago when a man came in and shot five little girls and then shot himself. This community went out and comforted his family and wrapped them in grace. They instantly forgave the man who killed five of their precious children. Honestly, that's pretty insane, but incredible at the same time. They did what God does to us... when we mess up God just wraps His arms around us and forgives us. I want to be one to do that, when something happens to me small or big... I want to be able to go to that person and just be able to forgive them, from my heart.

God forgives us, He shows us so much grace and mercy... why can't we do that for others. That is basically the one thing we are to do here.. love others, we can't even do that.

Now don't get me wrong, if someone took my child I would be quite upset and I don't blame them for being upset, and I can't say that I would be one to instantly forgive. Not knowing where your child is, if they are safe or alive is pretty frightening and that's an understatement. But it isn't a time to be name calling, hoping for the worst for the terrible person who would do such a thing, or blaming God. It's a time to just go to The Maker and find strength in Him. There is always hope.

The little girl was found just shortly 24 hours after her disappearance, such a blessing. She wasn't harmed at all, the man just gave her a haircut. Today, she was welcomed home and the town was thrilled to see her. The man, unfortunately, took his life just after the girl was found.

I am just a little worried that this family and this town will grow bitterness towards this man. I want them to be able to forgive so they can look towards the future.

Twenty four oceans

Twenty four skies

Twenty four failures

Twenty four tries

Twenty four finds me

In twenty-fourth place

Twenty four drop outs

At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was

Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong

With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out

When You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh I am the second man

Oh, oh I am the second man now

Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising these twenty four voices

With twenty four hearts

With all of my symphonies

In twenty four parts

But I wan to be one today

Centered and true

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh I am the second man

Oh, oh I am the second man now

Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change

Wrestled the angel, for more than a name

For more than a feeling

For more than a cause

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

And You're raising the dead in me

Twenty four voices

With twenty four hearts

With all of my symphonies

In twenty four parts.

I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.